Hey! Well we've officially completed our first adoption class! WOOHOO!! It was all day on Saturday 9am-4pm... but it went by really fast and was really good. We received our official Application packet (I think this will be the 3rd application we've filled out so far!) heehee! It is quite large and indepth and I of course already started making my to-do lists based on what information we need to gather.
We met some other really great couples that are in the same boat as us, and that of course is really neat too! We were really lucky to have some guest speakers come in to speak to the group. We had three birth parents speak to us about their experience and one adoptive family (actually the family that adopted the baby of one of the birthmothers that spoke). Both sets of birthparents have an open adoption with their adoptive families and it was really great to see how well that works out for everyone involved. We'll have to talk a bit more about Closed vs. Semi-Open vs. Open when I have more of an opportunity to write...
Anyway... just wanted to let everyone know that the 1st class was awesome and we are continuing on our way!! VERY EXCITING!!!
I know I have been a real slacker with the posts...but jeez time is flying! I hope to write some more soon on the topics of Domestic Infant Adoption and what that entails...
More to come....
Monday, February 18, 2008
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Your Prayers are Working...
I just wanted to update all of you that have been praying for my cousin, her fiancee and his family...
Things are really looking up as he has made incredible progress over this last week! He is no longer day by day, he is stable, breathing on his own and is able to nod yes or no to questions... and BEST OF ALL... he is recognizing his family and Sarah and is comforted by their presence with him!!!
It is amazing the strides he has made in just a week, and it is so inspiring to see what a fighter he is! He has a long road ahead of him for rehabilitation, but if the last week is any indication of his drive and strength I have no doubt he will triumph! Please continue to keep he, Sarah, and his family in your thoughts as there are still many hurdles to overcome.
Thanks Again!! Love you all!!
Things are really looking up as he has made incredible progress over this last week! He is no longer day by day, he is stable, breathing on his own and is able to nod yes or no to questions... and BEST OF ALL... he is recognizing his family and Sarah and is comforted by their presence with him!!!
It is amazing the strides he has made in just a week, and it is so inspiring to see what a fighter he is! He has a long road ahead of him for rehabilitation, but if the last week is any indication of his drive and strength I have no doubt he will triumph! Please continue to keep he, Sarah, and his family in your thoughts as there are still many hurdles to overcome.
Thanks Again!! Love you all!!
Friday, February 8, 2008
Prayer Request
I am going to take a break from "all about me" for a moment and put out there a request for a prayer chain.
Please keep my cousin Sarah and her fiancee Derek in your prayers.
Derek was working with his father building his and my cousin's future home, when he fell two stories into the concrete basement and broke his fall with his head. He has been in Critical Care in a well known NY Neurological Hospital since last Wednesday, and is making baby steps of progress. They were just able to do the CAT Scans yesterday and I have not heard the latest prognonsis yet. He comes from an extremely loving and religiously strong family that has turned their trust over to God in this time of crisis.
I had just received a letter from my cousin in the mail last Monday that was seeping with excitement for the life that she and Derek are about to begin with eachother and now she is faced with the possibility of losing him forever. My heart is breaking for her and Derek's family and I am hoping that all of you will join me in prayer (if your not religious-than positive thoughts) for Derek's recovery and for strength and peace for Sarah and Derek's family.
Sarah - I LOVE YOU and Lee and I are here for you!!!
(Isaiah 40:29-31) He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
Please keep my cousin Sarah and her fiancee Derek in your prayers.
Derek was working with his father building his and my cousin's future home, when he fell two stories into the concrete basement and broke his fall with his head. He has been in Critical Care in a well known NY Neurological Hospital since last Wednesday, and is making baby steps of progress. They were just able to do the CAT Scans yesterday and I have not heard the latest prognonsis yet. He comes from an extremely loving and religiously strong family that has turned their trust over to God in this time of crisis.
I had just received a letter from my cousin in the mail last Monday that was seeping with excitement for the life that she and Derek are about to begin with eachother and now she is faced with the possibility of losing him forever. My heart is breaking for her and Derek's family and I am hoping that all of you will join me in prayer (if your not religious-than positive thoughts) for Derek's recovery and for strength and peace for Sarah and Derek's family.
Sarah - I LOVE YOU and Lee and I are here for you!!!
(Isaiah 40:29-31) He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Catch Up on the Adoption Process...
Now that you have all been given background on how we arrived at this wonderful decision to adopt, it’s time to catch you up on where we are in the process and our thoughts and feelings as we work our way through this journey.
As I mentioned in the previous post, we decided to begin the adoption process in October of 2007. Our first move was to educate ourselves as much as possible about adoption and our options. So, we made the trip to Borders and picked up The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Adoption. The “information is power” believer that I am read the book in one afternoon (I’m totally not kidding, ask Lee). I highly recommend this book to anyone looking for more information on adoption. Anyway… by reading this book we found that we were interested in Domestic Infant Adoption, an overview of what to expect, what to look out for, and the general adoption laws in our state of Arizona. It was quite the educational afternoon!
Part of the purpose behind this blog is to educate friends and family on the truth vs. myths of adoption. Unfortunately, there are many stereotypical generalities made toward adoption and unless you have a vested reason for finding the truth most of these myths are left undisputed in our minds. I will periodically add notes on common myths into our blog as they may come up. First example: Myth #1 Adoption in real life is like the adoption horror stories you may watch in the Made for TV Movies found on some woman geared TV Channels… The truth is, that only a very very very small percentage of adoption stories end in heartbreak for the adoptive family.
So, now that we knew that we wanted a Domestic Infant Adoption it was time to look into some agencies. We sent out our feelers to a few large agencies, and, based on a recommendation from a dear friend, to a non-profit agency called Catholic Charities. Immediately the benefits of Catholic Charities were evident. First of all their responsiveness was wonderful, they were non-profit which also felt good, and they provide extensive counseling to the birthparents and adoptive families whenever needed. Our first step with them was to attend an information session. So, on December 12th we excitedly met at their offices along with several other couples to learn more about their process. Everything that they believe in was stuff that is important to Lee and I in an agency. Not to mention that the three young woman conducting the meeting (the Program Director and two of the Social Workers) were oddly familiar to me. I kept getting this feeling that I knew them from somewhere. We left the meeting knowing this was the place for us and immediately filled out the application to get the ball rolling. Later in the car I mentioned to Lee how I felt like I had known the ladies from somewhere and he said “I know you are going to think this is weird, but so do I.” This was a major sign to us that we were on the right path and in the right place.
A few days later one of the Social Workers (I will call her J for future reference) called to set up our Eligibility Interview. It was on December 26th. I was a little nervous about it, not knowing if there would be some strange reason we would be deemed ineligible. Lee as always was cool as a cucumber and was not concerned at all… I swear if I didn’t have my husband to balance my “worst case scenario” thinking, I think I would be in a nuthouse! J And as usual, Lee was right (Ughh I hate that!). It was definitely not a big deal. After determining that we are not alcoholics, druggies, convicted of any criminal activity, etc… we were told that we are as normal of a couple as can be and J did not see any reason why we wouldn’t be readily approved in their process. WOOPEEE!!!
So, the current timeline is as follows:
February 16th: Adoption Class 1
March 7th: Adoption Class 11
February – June (approx.): Home Study Process*
June/July (approx.): Certification from the Courts to adopt
July - ?: Wait to be matched with our little one/ welcome our little one into our family.
*The Home Study process includes an insane amount of paperwork, background checks, reference checks, and visits from the Social Worker to our home for an ‘inspection’ of our future child’s living space. – We luckily have a big piece of our paperwork done (thanks to the same dear friend that recommended the agency), but I am sure we are still in for much much more! J
So as you can see we’ve got a few steps down but still have a few more months of vigorous work ahead of us. We are hoping nothing happens that will delay our progress, but you never can tell in this process… all we need to know is that after all is said and done we will have a beautiful addition to our family which will start us out on yet another journey!
As I mentioned in the previous post, we decided to begin the adoption process in October of 2007. Our first move was to educate ourselves as much as possible about adoption and our options. So, we made the trip to Borders and picked up The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Adoption. The “information is power” believer that I am read the book in one afternoon (I’m totally not kidding, ask Lee). I highly recommend this book to anyone looking for more information on adoption. Anyway… by reading this book we found that we were interested in Domestic Infant Adoption, an overview of what to expect, what to look out for, and the general adoption laws in our state of Arizona. It was quite the educational afternoon!
Part of the purpose behind this blog is to educate friends and family on the truth vs. myths of adoption. Unfortunately, there are many stereotypical generalities made toward adoption and unless you have a vested reason for finding the truth most of these myths are left undisputed in our minds. I will periodically add notes on common myths into our blog as they may come up. First example: Myth #1 Adoption in real life is like the adoption horror stories you may watch in the Made for TV Movies found on some woman geared TV Channels… The truth is, that only a very very very small percentage of adoption stories end in heartbreak for the adoptive family.
So, now that we knew that we wanted a Domestic Infant Adoption it was time to look into some agencies. We sent out our feelers to a few large agencies, and, based on a recommendation from a dear friend, to a non-profit agency called Catholic Charities. Immediately the benefits of Catholic Charities were evident. First of all their responsiveness was wonderful, they were non-profit which also felt good, and they provide extensive counseling to the birthparents and adoptive families whenever needed. Our first step with them was to attend an information session. So, on December 12th we excitedly met at their offices along with several other couples to learn more about their process. Everything that they believe in was stuff that is important to Lee and I in an agency. Not to mention that the three young woman conducting the meeting (the Program Director and two of the Social Workers) were oddly familiar to me. I kept getting this feeling that I knew them from somewhere. We left the meeting knowing this was the place for us and immediately filled out the application to get the ball rolling. Later in the car I mentioned to Lee how I felt like I had known the ladies from somewhere and he said “I know you are going to think this is weird, but so do I.” This was a major sign to us that we were on the right path and in the right place.
A few days later one of the Social Workers (I will call her J for future reference) called to set up our Eligibility Interview. It was on December 26th. I was a little nervous about it, not knowing if there would be some strange reason we would be deemed ineligible. Lee as always was cool as a cucumber and was not concerned at all… I swear if I didn’t have my husband to balance my “worst case scenario” thinking, I think I would be in a nuthouse! J And as usual, Lee was right (Ughh I hate that!). It was definitely not a big deal. After determining that we are not alcoholics, druggies, convicted of any criminal activity, etc… we were told that we are as normal of a couple as can be and J did not see any reason why we wouldn’t be readily approved in their process. WOOPEEE!!!
So, the current timeline is as follows:
February 16th: Adoption Class 1
March 7th: Adoption Class 11
February – June (approx.): Home Study Process*
June/July (approx.): Certification from the Courts to adopt
July - ?: Wait to be matched with our little one/ welcome our little one into our family.
*The Home Study process includes an insane amount of paperwork, background checks, reference checks, and visits from the Social Worker to our home for an ‘inspection’ of our future child’s living space. – We luckily have a big piece of our paperwork done (thanks to the same dear friend that recommended the agency), but I am sure we are still in for much much more! J
So as you can see we’ve got a few steps down but still have a few more months of vigorous work ahead of us. We are hoping nothing happens that will delay our progress, but you never can tell in this process… all we need to know is that after all is said and done we will have a beautiful addition to our family which will start us out on yet another journey!
Friday, February 1, 2008
Infertility Road...
I think the best way to start off this blog is to talk about how we arrived at our decision to adopt. I am going to warn you - this is going to be a LONG one. This decision was preceded by our journey on infertility road for the last 3 years. Lee and I officially began Trying to Conceive (TTC) in May of 2005 the month we got married. For the next year and a half (until October 2006) we were fairly relaxed about our attempts. We were newlyweds so "trying" certainly wasn't an issue and although we certainly were disappointed month after month we didn't obsess over it. But, there does come a point where you have to take action... and we knew that we wanted to be young parents (or in Lee's case- an older young parent- heehee). So I consulted with my OBGYN who told me that the 1st step was to check Lee's swimmers and if all was okay to proceed with a common fertility drug called Clomid. Well, per his doctor and his urologist Lee was good to go...however my OBGYN (a 60 something female know-it-all) wasn't satisfied. We basically determined that a urologist would know more about my husbands plumbing than a woman who has been looking at ONLY woman's plumbing for the last million years, so we decided to proceed with our investigation with a Reproductive Endocrinologist. We moved forward with our appointment with them and were VERY encouraged by our Specialists confidence in our age, Lee's Semen Analysis results, and my clockwork cycles. I proceded to go through a month of blood work, followed by a month doing a test called an HSG (The test to see if my uterus and fallopian tubes were clear of any obstructions). All these preliminary tests showed all to be fine. Alas more encouragement!! The next step would be what is called a Clomid Challenge Test. Since I was already going to be taking a drug to stimulate my ovaries, we opted to combine the Clomid Challenge with an IUI (intra uterine insemination). We were extremely hopeful and excited for this process... I mean basically they are getting the sperm right up there next the egg, how could it not work? Well, needless to say... it did not.
A few days after we found out it didn't work we had a follow up with our doctor to put Plan B into action. This is when we received the results from my Clomid Challenge Test. Abnormal. It was then that the first big blow occurred. I had a High FSH level coupled with high estrogen... which indicates diminished ovarian reserve and poor egg quality. At age 27 this is an uncommon issue as it is typically a problem with woman over 35, not with someone as young as me... but that is how the cookie crumbles, so to speak... With this new diagnosis the possibility of getting pregnant naturally went down to under 2%, potential with IUI went to 7% and IVF was around 35%. There were choices we had to make: should we do IUI again?, should we do IVF?, should we try IVF with an egg donor? We opted to try IUI again, shoot 7% isn't that bad right? So another month of Clomid and IUI and another negative pregnancy test later, my impatient side got the best of me and we decided that we were going to move into our best chance, IVF (InVitro Fertilization).
So in June of 2007 we began all the pre-testing, poking, prodding and drugs necessary to get my body in gear to be a mass producer of eggs in the next few months. For anyone who doesn't know much about IVF I will give you a brief overview: you basically are taking drugs to overstimulate your ovaries to create more eggs (you normally only create one a month), once these eggs are mature they are retrieved from your ovaries via a LARGE LONG needle and fertilized by sperm (in our case...Lee's sperm) in a petri dish and then transferred back into the uterus where they hopefully hunker down for the next 9 months. So... I began giving myself the shots in my stomach (the aspiring nurse in me, actually enjoyed this...sick I know) and going for my daily blood tests and ultra sounds to see how I was progressing. We ultimately ended up with 5 fertilized eggs (5 BABIES!!) and transferred 2 three days after the retrieval, unfortunately the other 3 died by day 5. The 2 they put back in me were of excellent quality and the doctors felt really confident this was going to do it. Unfortunately, two weeks later my blood test was negative- my other two babies didn't make it. It was odd because although I was devasted, and I of course cried... I had almost come to a peace about it... I had known I wasn't pregnant before I got the bloodwork results back (as if God was preparing me) and I was just well...exhausted! After this failed IVF our chances of getting pregnant went down even farther, conceiving naturally is now under 1%.
My body was exhausted, my heart was exhausted, my mind was exhausted and I just wanted to move on... Initially moving on was planning to try IVF again in the new year and just remaining optimistic and hopeful... but in October during dinner one night, I said out of nowhere to Lee "What do you think about starting the adoption process? We have always known we are open to it, why not get it going because who knows how long it's going to take." and Lee said "Yeah, definitely, let's do that." So here we are... since that moment all of our decisions about adoption have just fallen into place, and it just feels right. Our agency has been wonderful so far and we truly feel that we are meant to be doing this. We have determined that we will not be proceding with any more fertility treatments and it is like this invisible weight has been lifted off our shoulders.
I truly believe that God has his plan for us all... and we don't have to understand his plan, but we do have to accept it and realize the good things behind it. Don't get me wrong, although adoption was always an option for Lee and I, I would be lying if I said it was my first option. I have had to mourn the loss of never experiencing pregnancy, never getting the morning sickness or big round belly that so many woman take for granted. I have had to mourn the loss of ever seeing my husband's dimple's on my child's smiling face, or passing down the hands that I share with my mom and grandma to my daughter. I have mourned the loss of the five babies we created during the IVF process that didn't make it into this world. But I have to say overall this journey has also given me so many positive things as well... it has given me sensitivity to woman in this world that are experiencing infertility (I think the statistic is 1 in 25 couples are faced with some degree of infertility) - I will never again innocently ask "When are you starting a family?", "Why don't you have kids yet?", or the dreaded "Just relax, it will happen"... there is no way to know what a family is going through to have children and although stress does factor into fertility it is certainly not the sole contributor or as in my case even a factor. I have also realized (even more than I already had) that I have the BEST and I mean BEST husband in the world! Never once has he ever made me feel defective (although I have often felt that way myself) for not being able to give him children. And he has consistently stood by my side as my rock always there with a hug or for a good cry. The husbands in infertility situations are often overlooked, but this is just as difficult for them just as it is for their wives, just in different ways. I have also learned a lot about myself through this process, I have seen the jealous and bitter sides of myself that I didn't know existed, but realize are completely normal. More importantly I have seen how strong I can be. Everyone has to deal with their own level of disappointment and loss and God only gives you what you can handle. I have been blessed to come to the realization that I have to let go and let God guide me where I am meant to be. In the months following our failed IVF I asked God to give me some guidance and help me realize what I needed to be doing to get to my family and those prayers led me to adoption and I truly believe this is what we are meant to be doing, we just needed to experience the "infertility road" to realize that it doesn't matter how we grow our family just that in our heart of hearts we are meant to be parents and our baby is out there waiting for us. So here we are... on the journey to our little one, certainly stronger than we were 3 years ago, and ready for wherever this road may take us.
A few days after we found out it didn't work we had a follow up with our doctor to put Plan B into action. This is when we received the results from my Clomid Challenge Test. Abnormal. It was then that the first big blow occurred. I had a High FSH level coupled with high estrogen... which indicates diminished ovarian reserve and poor egg quality. At age 27 this is an uncommon issue as it is typically a problem with woman over 35, not with someone as young as me... but that is how the cookie crumbles, so to speak... With this new diagnosis the possibility of getting pregnant naturally went down to under 2%, potential with IUI went to 7% and IVF was around 35%. There were choices we had to make: should we do IUI again?, should we do IVF?, should we try IVF with an egg donor? We opted to try IUI again, shoot 7% isn't that bad right? So another month of Clomid and IUI and another negative pregnancy test later, my impatient side got the best of me and we decided that we were going to move into our best chance, IVF (InVitro Fertilization).
So in June of 2007 we began all the pre-testing, poking, prodding and drugs necessary to get my body in gear to be a mass producer of eggs in the next few months. For anyone who doesn't know much about IVF I will give you a brief overview: you basically are taking drugs to overstimulate your ovaries to create more eggs (you normally only create one a month), once these eggs are mature they are retrieved from your ovaries via a LARGE LONG needle and fertilized by sperm (in our case...Lee's sperm) in a petri dish and then transferred back into the uterus where they hopefully hunker down for the next 9 months. So... I began giving myself the shots in my stomach (the aspiring nurse in me, actually enjoyed this...sick I know) and going for my daily blood tests and ultra sounds to see how I was progressing. We ultimately ended up with 5 fertilized eggs (5 BABIES!!) and transferred 2 three days after the retrieval, unfortunately the other 3 died by day 5. The 2 they put back in me were of excellent quality and the doctors felt really confident this was going to do it. Unfortunately, two weeks later my blood test was negative- my other two babies didn't make it. It was odd because although I was devasted, and I of course cried... I had almost come to a peace about it... I had known I wasn't pregnant before I got the bloodwork results back (as if God was preparing me) and I was just well...exhausted! After this failed IVF our chances of getting pregnant went down even farther, conceiving naturally is now under 1%.
My body was exhausted, my heart was exhausted, my mind was exhausted and I just wanted to move on... Initially moving on was planning to try IVF again in the new year and just remaining optimistic and hopeful... but in October during dinner one night, I said out of nowhere to Lee "What do you think about starting the adoption process? We have always known we are open to it, why not get it going because who knows how long it's going to take." and Lee said "Yeah, definitely, let's do that." So here we are... since that moment all of our decisions about adoption have just fallen into place, and it just feels right. Our agency has been wonderful so far and we truly feel that we are meant to be doing this. We have determined that we will not be proceding with any more fertility treatments and it is like this invisible weight has been lifted off our shoulders.
I truly believe that God has his plan for us all... and we don't have to understand his plan, but we do have to accept it and realize the good things behind it. Don't get me wrong, although adoption was always an option for Lee and I, I would be lying if I said it was my first option. I have had to mourn the loss of never experiencing pregnancy, never getting the morning sickness or big round belly that so many woman take for granted. I have had to mourn the loss of ever seeing my husband's dimple's on my child's smiling face, or passing down the hands that I share with my mom and grandma to my daughter. I have mourned the loss of the five babies we created during the IVF process that didn't make it into this world. But I have to say overall this journey has also given me so many positive things as well... it has given me sensitivity to woman in this world that are experiencing infertility (I think the statistic is 1 in 25 couples are faced with some degree of infertility) - I will never again innocently ask "When are you starting a family?", "Why don't you have kids yet?", or the dreaded "Just relax, it will happen"... there is no way to know what a family is going through to have children and although stress does factor into fertility it is certainly not the sole contributor or as in my case even a factor. I have also realized (even more than I already had) that I have the BEST and I mean BEST husband in the world! Never once has he ever made me feel defective (although I have often felt that way myself) for not being able to give him children. And he has consistently stood by my side as my rock always there with a hug or for a good cry. The husbands in infertility situations are often overlooked, but this is just as difficult for them just as it is for their wives, just in different ways. I have also learned a lot about myself through this process, I have seen the jealous and bitter sides of myself that I didn't know existed, but realize are completely normal. More importantly I have seen how strong I can be. Everyone has to deal with their own level of disappointment and loss and God only gives you what you can handle. I have been blessed to come to the realization that I have to let go and let God guide me where I am meant to be. In the months following our failed IVF I asked God to give me some guidance and help me realize what I needed to be doing to get to my family and those prayers led me to adoption and I truly believe this is what we are meant to be doing, we just needed to experience the "infertility road" to realize that it doesn't matter how we grow our family just that in our heart of hearts we are meant to be parents and our baby is out there waiting for us. So here we are... on the journey to our little one, certainly stronger than we were 3 years ago, and ready for wherever this road may take us.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
