We're #1

So, the latest is we're #1!!! If you are unfortunate enough to work with me than you already know this, since I danced around the office chanting "we're #1" over and over when I received the email from our social worker "R"! WOOHOO!! Additional good news is that we get to keep our social worker when we become active! Initially we were going to have to get a new social worker when we went active because our social worker "R" only worked parttime, BUT she recently extended her hours and we are blessed that we get to stay with her! So TWO fabulous pieces of news in one day!! We are so close I can almost smell the dirty diapers! heehee!!

So that is the latest and I will let you know as soon as we become ACTIVE!!!!!

Love the Soon to be Mommy and Soon to be Daddy (aka Kristy and Lee)

#2

Well, I heard from the agency on Friday...after I made up an additional excuse to email the admin!! (heehee I am so sneaky!) We are number TWO on the prospective list... so only two more families on the active list have to be matched with their babies and we will begin getting shown to all prospective birthmoms that are a good fit for us! It's absolutely crazy to think Lee and I could just be chilling on the couch on a Thursday night watching The Office, and we could get a call to come pick up our child!! I think once we are on the active list I will literally sprint to the phone everytime it rings! And I think Lee is probably going to have to start drinking on a nightly basis to cope with my insanity! heehee!
Anyway... my other questions that I had for the agency were regarding traveling for the holidays back to NY... I wasn't sure how it would work if a birthmom wanted to meet us while we were out of town and I had thought that it was illegal to take the baby out of state until the adoption was finalized (usually 5-6 months after placement)... but it's not...so it looks like Lee and I will get to travel to NY for Christmas this year. Which I am really excited about! We didn't go "home" to NY last year and although I loved having Christmas in our new house I did miss the chaos that surrounds holidays with my family! Lee and I will have to figure out what we are going to do with our pups.. I think it would be cool to drive but the question is whether mom will allow her two granddoggies to stay in her house...my guess would be "no"!! So we'll have to see! Maybe if we by some miracle have a baby by that time... we can bribe her with the prospect of seeing her human grandchild... hmmmm...what do you think mom???? heehee! Anyway...that is the latest news from here.. we are one step closer.... I can't wait!
Talk to you all soon!
Hugs,
Kristy and Lee

Maybe Baby??

Okay...pheww... it's been a long month, and I am sorry to all my friends and family, that I don't get to talk to often, that have missed out on all the excitement while it was happening. Well lots has happened on this adoption rollercoaster and I will do my best to fill you in on the latest ups and downs.

Well about a month ago, Lee and I were home sick and we received a call from our social worker. Lee answered the phone and was listening intently (our social worker is quite the talker...just like me) I kept looking at him for some kind of indication as to what she was saying, but he wasn't giving me anything! Then he asked me to pick up the other phone and our sw (social worker) proceeded to tell us that she had a "very iffy situation". There was a baby (a baby boy) who had been born on August 4th. The birthmother had wanted to place him for adoption but the birthfather was contesting. In Arizona (and I think most states) the birthfather is petitioned with paternity and he has 30 days to file...well this dear dad filed on day 31... however that meant that he was going to go to court to fight for paternity. Our sw felt that could go two ways... either the judge could say "you filed late...too bad so sad" or he could say "what's one day, I will grant you paternity". Well, we got the call on Monday and the court date was that Wednesday. Basically, our social worker was asking if we wanted to be presented... of course we said "YES". We were/are still on the prospective waiting list, but because this birthmom had already seen all the active profiles she had asked to see more, so that is why we ended up getting shown.
Well of course on Wednesday we were on pins and needles to hear what the judge would say... at this point we didn't even know if the birthmom would pick us (I think our sw said she was looking at 5 other profiles), but we were still excited at the prospect. Well.. I got the call on Wednesday that the judge postponed the hearing and appointed the birthdad a lawyer and rescheduled the hearing for mid-September (the 18th to be exact). Our social worker said she would let us know if/when she heard anything more, but that she felt if the birthmom had to wait another month before she could place, she most likely would decide to parent. She already had the little guy home with her and I am sure she was falling more and more in love with him everyday. I can only imagine how tough it must be for birthparents to part with there little ones. So...at that point we kind of figured it was a done deal. For some reason though I had a itchy feeling that I needed to check in with our sw, so the following Monday I emailed her to see if there were any updates. She told me no and that they hadn't heard from the birthmom over the weekend and were assuming she'd parent... Well that night my body rebelled and I got a horrible stomach flu... the following day I stayed home sick and was surprised out of a nap by a call from our sw....She had talked to the birthmom and she had said the birthdad agreed to sign the adoption papers...AND she CHOSE A COUPLE NAMED LEE AND KRISTY!!!!!!!!!! Woohoo right??? In order to protect us our agency wouldn't let us do a meeting with her until they got word that the birthdad had officially signed the papers.... and that is where our excitement ends... a few days went by and no word from the birthmom, our sw had called and left her several messages and didn't get a call back.... then a week went by...still no call...at two weeks the situation was deemed over and we are now back to waiting. We aren't sure what happened, but we can only assume that the reality of placing her little babe that she had with her for a month kicked in and she realized she couldn't do it. Lee and I have just prayed for her and the little guy and hope God grants her the strength to make a good life for herself and her sons. So, that is the story of our "maybe baby"! I have no way to accurately describe the emotions I went through during this process.... from sheer panic after the first call (omg, are we ready for this!!! - answer... of course we are!!! ), to disappointment after hearing the judge prolonging the situation, and sadness for the birthmom who basically was being backed into a corner to parent, to an undescribable ELATION when we heard she had actually picked us (the ultimate compliment) and I the big mouth that I am immediately began spreading the word (warning everyone to have cautious optimism) that it looked like Lee and I were going to finally have our prayers answered and be blessed with a son. To growing sadness and disappointment with everyday that passed that we hadn't heard from her. We were lucky that we didn't have the opportunity to hold him and bond with him, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't fall in love with the idea of the little guy.

So, that's that and now we are back on the prospective list...last we knew (a month ago) we were #5... and our agency contact told me this past Friday there was a lot of placement activity and she would let us know this week how many spotS we moved up (that's right plural spots) So we are holding our breath to see if we've made it to 1,2, or 3!!!!

As you can see this journey is still quite the rollercoaster of emotions, but Lee and I have faith that we will be placed with the baby meant to be ours and we know it will happen when it is meant to!! Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers!!!!

Trying to stay sane in Arizona!!
Kristy & Lee

Boy or Girl??

Hi everyone!
I just added a poll feature, of who thinks we will get placed with a girl and who thinks we will get placed with a boy. I hope all of my 5 readers will vote! heehee!!! As you may be able to tell from the color I am typing in... I have a gut feeling that we are going to be placed with a girl!!! Lee doesn't seem to have a feeling on this one way or another; however, he does consistently refer to our future child as "he", so I think he is willing the universe to give him a son!
I have always thought I would have boys or be a better mother to a son, but since the adoption process I've been having these strong feelings that I am going to have a daughter! I have also been drawn to the adorable stretchy headbands for newborn baby girls and have had to slap my hand from buying them...literally.
Anyway... Lee and I would love your opinions!!! And this is one premonition that I won't care if I am right or wrong about... I WILL BE ABSOLUTELY THRILLED WITH A BOY OR A GIRL!!! hmmmm... or maybe we'll be blessed with both...twins maybe???

Update...

So the update is…there is no update! As of last Friday the 11th (officially a month after being placed on the prospective list) we have not moved a smidge…we are still # 7!! Argghh!! Ahhhh the injustice of it all!!! I did find out some good news though. On a positive note the families on the Active list that have already been matched with a birthmom will stay on the Active List until they are officially placed…so once those babies are born and if the placement goes through they will be moved off the active list….so it all could happen very quickly. I am really trying to relax and stay positive and in reality the first month did go by fairly fast… I was actually surprised it had already been a month!

Lee and I have actually just been having a great time… we went through a few weekends where we put together the crib and changing table and I started the border around the room (I didn’t get very far…I forgot how shaky my hand is with a paint brush) but the last few weekends we have just been having a great time going on “dates”. We have been going to the movies and out to dinner and on “double dates” with our best friends C & C and their one year old little boy C. I love that they are all C’s! heehee! We have decided to make the most of our remaining couple time and really enjoy those moments together. Looking back… we have spent so much time focused on getting to our baby that because of that determination we forgot just to relax and have fun! Now with all of our “work” behind us we are free to just Let go and Let God!
Additionally, I have also started working out almost daily! I am addicted. I have always loved to be active, but the fear of jostling things around and ruining a potential pregnancy had me becoming a lot lazier than I liked. And because of the ridiculous heat out here in AZ I have been doing my Turbo Jam videos rather than outdoor activities! The high energy, totally ripped, mother of two somehow does not annoy me, rather I look forward to her silly motivation! I have been doing the videos for about 3 weeks now, and I normally don't weigh myself...but I GAINED two pounds... ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? I am telling myself it is muscle...but who knows. Regardless I feel better and have more energy, so I guess that is all that really matters!

So that is the update…regardless of my impatience I have to say I am still “happily” waiting! The sleepless nights and dirty diapers will come soon enough…for now I am enjoying hitting the snooze button on Saturday morning until at least 9am!!!

Long Overdue Update

I can’t believe it’s been since March that I have written anything…wow- guess I am not as much of a writer as I thought I was… Or it could be that I was too busy filling out all the applications and paperwork that goes along with the adoption! J I honestly didn’t think anybody really was looking at this, but I just got an email from a dear friend that said they have it book marked, so now I feel obligated to update it! So… let me take you through the last few months….

Well, we did in fact turn in all of our paperwork on March 17th and then we waited as the agency spent the next few weeks contacting our listed references (BIG Thank You by the way to those who were targeted!!). After our references dutifully lied for us (just kidding), we then awaited getting assigned to a social worker who would conduct our Home Study. For those of you that I haven’t verbally explained this to…the Home Study is when the social worker scrutinizes every aspect of your life, personality and habits to determine if you are suitable to be a parent (don’t you think everyone should have to go through this???). Anyway…so by the end of April our Social Worker (I will refer to her as “R”) contacted me to introduce herself and let me know that she’d be scheduling our first appointment over the next few weeks (more waiting). So Lee and I had our one on one interviews with “R” on Monday, May 19th. They went really well…and apparently we filled out our paperwork SO well that she barely had any questions or blanks to fill in for us! I also want to say that “R” is probably one of the coolest chicks and is so easy to talk to! After our one on ones with her we assumed that our House Visit (when they come to inspect your home) would be a few weeks later…. Ours was scheduled for that FRIDAY!!! Yikes! So I immediately took off from work on that Friday (luckily I have the most understanding and flexible boss in the universe) and cleaned our house top to bottom- of course the puppies were following me around looking quizzically at the cleaning supplies wondering what in the world I was doing. But, the house looked fabulous – if I have to say so myself!!! So “R” arrived and went to meet our dogs first, who were initially penned up but once released carried on by jumping and wiggling at her in excitement…LUCKILY – she didn’t mind! She then proceeded to glace around the downstairs and commented that it was “very nice”, we than gave her the tour around and she again said “very nice”. I almost challenged her to bend down and check the baseboards for dust…but I thought better of it!! We then came back downstairs and sat at the dining room table to wrap things up… Not to say that I wasn’t happy to have a clean house, but I was secretly hoping the inspection would be a little more in-depth to pay tribute to my earlier cleaning spree! Oh Well… so we ended up just chatting nonchalantly about pretty much nothing for about 15 minutes when she got up to go. Here is where the excitement begins… “R” opened our front door to leave and we were following behind her to walk her out to her car. Well the pups took the opportunity of a wide open front door to also exit. Initially we weren’t worried because they usually stick close by, especially when there is someone new to jump on and around… but the little sh*ts took off down the sidewalk. I called them and they stopped for a minute….but then took off like bats out of h-e- double hockey sticks. Lee and I then left our befuddled social worker standing on our porch as we took off in a full on sprint down 4 blocks trying to catch them before we cornered them in the garage of one of our neighbors!! As we were carrying them back down the street, just imagining what would have happened if they had run out onto the street instead of staying on the sidewalk we saw “R” by her car laughing… She said we exhibited “great teamwork” and it reminded her of what it takes to roundup a couple of toddlers!! So… luckily the fact that our dogs ran crazily as far away from our house as possible did not reflect poorly on us!!

After this visit, it was now on “R” to finish her report and send it in to the Superior Court of Arizona for approval! She worked quickly and turned it in the following Tuesday! And as most of you know we received the official word that we had been approved on Tuesday June 10th!!! WOOHOO!!!
While we were waiting for the few weeks in between our first visit with “R” we also had to start our “Dear Birthmother” letter. This is HUGE!!!! Being that it is the only source that the birthmother has to “get to know us” prior to deciding to meet us, it was a big undertaking. We were told it was important to have a FABULOUS front cover picture…so we chose the one that I put here on the board (the one with me in the blue shirt and Lee in the white shirt- and yes we did get it professionally taken) – hopefully everyone will agree that it is a pretty good picture of us both?????? Please???? And our entire “profile letter” (as it is also called) ended up being 10 pages. Long, yes, but we do have photos on every page and 3 whole pages are just a photo montage. So all in all not too long!

So, now that the letter is done and we are certified, we are now on our agency’s prospective waiting list. This is the waiting list for the actual waiting list. The way our agency works- it only allows 30 families on the active list at a time, so you have to wait on the prospective list until a spot on the active list opens up. We are #7 on the prospective list…UGH!!! I have been told though that this can move a lot quicker than you would think, but it still seems like a long way off to wait just to wait! There is still the possibility that we could be shown even though we aren’t on the active list…like if the birthmom requests a younger couple (we are one of the younger couples- a lot of them are in their late 30’s or 40’s). But we will likely be waiting for at least a few months to be moved to the active list!!!

Regardless of the potentially long wait, we have allowed ourselves to get super excited and make a few purchases of some of the essentials. We have the car seat, pack and play, crib, changing table and crib bedding! I have also attached a picture of the bedding we chose… our nursery will be a Beach theme!!! I have likened the feeling of being officially certified to that of seeing a positive pregnancy test (I have never seen one, so I can’t be sure). But it is a HUGE sense of accomplishment and OVERWHELMING JOY!!!! This is absolutely the best feeling in the world to know that we are approved and that dirty diapers and a screaming baby are impending!!! We have decided to slowly but surely start getting the nursery together and I am going to hand paint a border of fish and bubbles around the room to match the bedding! Supposedly preparing the nursery helps pass the time… so if we have to wait a LONG time the nursery is going to be seriously decked out!!!

So here we are… waiting…Lee and I joke every time the phone rings that we “better get it, it could be our baby”… but I am sure the reality of that will set in a bit more once we are actively being shown to birthmoms! And I am sure I will start freaking out more and more with every passing day.

I also think about the woman out there that could potentially be the “tummy mommy” to our child and say a prayer for them, realizing that something that would bring us sheer happiness is currently turning their world upside down and forcing them to make a life altering and completely self sacrificing choice. I hope that God is with them guiding them and giving them peace throughout their pregnancy and in the choices they are making.

On that note… we will just be here waiting for our little someone to join our family. I will try and write more updates as something new happens or as we move farther along with the nursery I will have to post pictures!
Signing off for now, and I will try not to let so much time pass in between posts!!!

Done with our 2nd class!!!

We are officially done with our Adoption classes. WOOHOO!! our next step is to turn in our official application packet, and I am VERY happy to report that we will be doing so on the 17th!! We have two things left on our checklist: our fingerprinting, and Lee's doctor's report. Both of which will happen on the 17th! Once we turn in our packet the agency will send our references (you know who you are) the reference questionnaire and once those are returned we will begin our visits with our social worker. I haven't really thought about it, but YIKES I better start getting my house all nice and neat! After those three visits our social worker writes up our report to send to the courts/judge for approval. Hopefully by July we will be certified and be on the waiting list to be matched with our little one!!! It is kind of surreal to think there is a possibility that we will have our baby before we would if I were to get pregnant right now. There is also the reality that we could be waiting for several years (although most people in our agency wait less than a year). In the meantime I am allowing myself to look at this time as our pregnancy and therefore letting myself get excited at the definite reality of one day having my child in my arms. Well I better get going... our next project is working on our profile letter and our scrapbook to present to birthmothers! and oh yeah... cleaning the house!

Adoption Class #1

Hey! Well we've officially completed our first adoption class! WOOHOO!! It was all day on Saturday 9am-4pm... but it went by really fast and was really good. We received our official Application packet (I think this will be the 3rd application we've filled out so far!) heehee! It is quite large and indepth and I of course already started making my to-do lists based on what information we need to gather.

We met some other really great couples that are in the same boat as us, and that of course is really neat too! We were really lucky to have some guest speakers come in to speak to the group. We had three birth parents speak to us about their experience and one adoptive family (actually the family that adopted the baby of one of the birthmothers that spoke). Both sets of birthparents have an open adoption with their adoptive families and it was really great to see how well that works out for everyone involved. We'll have to talk a bit more about Closed vs. Semi-Open vs. Open when I have more of an opportunity to write...

Anyway... just wanted to let everyone know that the 1st class was awesome and we are continuing on our way!! VERY EXCITING!!!

I know I have been a real slacker with the posts...but jeez time is flying! I hope to write some more soon on the topics of Domestic Infant Adoption and what that entails...

More to come....

Your Prayers are Working...

I just wanted to update all of you that have been praying for my cousin, her fiancee and his family...

Things are really looking up as he has made incredible progress over this last week! He is no longer day by day, he is stable, breathing on his own and is able to nod yes or no to questions... and BEST OF ALL... he is recognizing his family and Sarah and is comforted by their presence with him!!!

It is amazing the strides he has made in just a week, and it is so inspiring to see what a fighter he is! He has a long road ahead of him for rehabilitation, but if the last week is any indication of his drive and strength I have no doubt he will triumph! Please continue to keep he, Sarah, and his family in your thoughts as there are still many hurdles to overcome.

Thanks Again!! Love you all!!

Prayer Request

I am going to take a break from "all about me" for a moment and put out there a request for a prayer chain.

Please keep my cousin Sarah and her fiancee Derek in your prayers.

Derek was working with his father building his and my cousin's future home, when he fell two stories into the concrete basement and broke his fall with his head. He has been in Critical Care in a well known NY Neurological Hospital since last Wednesday, and is making baby steps of progress. They were just able to do the CAT Scans yesterday and I have not heard the latest prognonsis yet. He comes from an extremely loving and religiously strong family that has turned their trust over to God in this time of crisis.

I had just received a letter from my cousin in the mail last Monday that was seeping with excitement for the life that she and Derek are about to begin with eachother and now she is faced with the possibility of losing him forever. My heart is breaking for her and Derek's family and I am hoping that all of you will join me in prayer (if your not religious-than positive thoughts) for Derek's recovery and for strength and peace for Sarah and Derek's family.

Sarah - I LOVE YOU and Lee and I are here for you!!!

(Isaiah 40:29-31) He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

Catch Up on the Adoption Process...

Now that you have all been given background on how we arrived at this wonderful decision to adopt, it’s time to catch you up on where we are in the process and our thoughts and feelings as we work our way through this journey.

As I mentioned in the previous post, we decided to begin the adoption process in October of 2007. Our first move was to educate ourselves as much as possible about adoption and our options. So, we made the trip to Borders and picked up The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Adoption. The “information is power” believer that I am read the book in one afternoon (I’m totally not kidding, ask Lee). I highly recommend this book to anyone looking for more information on adoption. Anyway… by reading this book we found that we were interested in Domestic Infant Adoption, an overview of what to expect, what to look out for, and the general adoption laws in our state of Arizona. It was quite the educational afternoon!

Part of the purpose behind this blog is to educate friends and family on the truth vs. myths of adoption. Unfortunately, there are many stereotypical generalities made toward adoption and unless you have a vested reason for finding the truth most of these myths are left undisputed in our minds. I will periodically add notes on common myths into our blog as they may come up. First example: Myth #1 Adoption in real life is like the adoption horror stories you may watch in the Made for TV Movies found on some woman geared TV Channels… The truth is, that only a very very very small percentage of adoption stories end in heartbreak for the adoptive family.

So, now that we knew that we wanted a Domestic Infant Adoption it was time to look into some agencies. We sent out our feelers to a few large agencies, and, based on a recommendation from a dear friend, to a non-profit agency called Catholic Charities. Immediately the benefits of Catholic Charities were evident. First of all their responsiveness was wonderful, they were non-profit which also felt good, and they provide extensive counseling to the birthparents and adoptive families whenever needed. Our first step with them was to attend an information session. So, on December 12th we excitedly met at their offices along with several other couples to learn more about their process. Everything that they believe in was stuff that is important to Lee and I in an agency. Not to mention that the three young woman conducting the meeting (the Program Director and two of the Social Workers) were oddly familiar to me. I kept getting this feeling that I knew them from somewhere. We left the meeting knowing this was the place for us and immediately filled out the application to get the ball rolling. Later in the car I mentioned to Lee how I felt like I had known the ladies from somewhere and he said “I know you are going to think this is weird, but so do I.” This was a major sign to us that we were on the right path and in the right place.

A few days later one of the Social Workers (I will call her J for future reference) called to set up our Eligibility Interview. It was on December 26th. I was a little nervous about it, not knowing if there would be some strange reason we would be deemed ineligible. Lee as always was cool as a cucumber and was not concerned at all… I swear if I didn’t have my husband to balance my “worst case scenario” thinking, I think I would be in a nuthouse! J And as usual, Lee was right (Ughh I hate that!). It was definitely not a big deal. After determining that we are not alcoholics, druggies, convicted of any criminal activity, etc… we were told that we are as normal of a couple as can be and J did not see any reason why we wouldn’t be readily approved in their process. WOOPEEE!!!

So, the current timeline is as follows:

February 16th: Adoption Class 1
March 7th: Adoption Class 11
February – June (approx.): Home Study Process*
June/July (approx.): Certification from the Courts to adopt
July - ?: Wait to be matched with our little one/ welcome our little one into our family.

*The Home Study process includes an insane amount of paperwork, background checks, reference checks, and visits from the Social Worker to our home for an ‘inspection’ of our future child’s living space. – We luckily have a big piece of our paperwork done (thanks to the same dear friend that recommended the agency), but I am sure we are still in for much much more! J

So as you can see we’ve got a few steps down but still have a few more months of vigorous work ahead of us. We are hoping nothing happens that will delay our progress, but you never can tell in this process… all we need to know is that after all is said and done we will have a beautiful addition to our family which will start us out on yet another journey!

Infertility Road...

I think the best way to start off this blog is to talk about how we arrived at our decision to adopt. I am going to warn you - this is going to be a LONG one. This decision was preceded by our journey on infertility road for the last 3 years. Lee and I officially began Trying to Conceive (TTC) in May of 2005 the month we got married. For the next year and a half (until October 2006) we were fairly relaxed about our attempts. We were newlyweds so "trying" certainly wasn't an issue and although we certainly were disappointed month after month we didn't obsess over it. But, there does come a point where you have to take action... and we knew that we wanted to be young parents (or in Lee's case- an older young parent- heehee). So I consulted with my OBGYN who told me that the 1st step was to check Lee's swimmers and if all was okay to proceed with a common fertility drug called Clomid. Well, per his doctor and his urologist Lee was good to go...however my OBGYN (a 60 something female know-it-all) wasn't satisfied. We basically determined that a urologist would know more about my husbands plumbing than a woman who has been looking at ONLY woman's plumbing for the last million years, so we decided to proceed with our investigation with a Reproductive Endocrinologist. We moved forward with our appointment with them and were VERY encouraged by our Specialists confidence in our age, Lee's Semen Analysis results, and my clockwork cycles. I proceded to go through a month of blood work, followed by a month doing a test called an HSG (The test to see if my uterus and fallopian tubes were clear of any obstructions). All these preliminary tests showed all to be fine. Alas more encouragement!! The next step would be what is called a Clomid Challenge Test. Since I was already going to be taking a drug to stimulate my ovaries, we opted to combine the Clomid Challenge with an IUI (intra uterine insemination). We were extremely hopeful and excited for this process... I mean basically they are getting the sperm right up there next the egg, how could it not work? Well, needless to say... it did not.

A few days after we found out it didn't work we had a follow up with our doctor to put Plan B into action. This is when we received the results from my Clomid Challenge Test. Abnormal. It was then that the first big blow occurred. I had a High FSH level coupled with high estrogen... which indicates diminished ovarian reserve and poor egg quality. At age 27 this is an uncommon issue as it is typically a problem with woman over 35, not with someone as young as me... but that is how the cookie crumbles, so to speak... With this new diagnosis the possibility of getting pregnant naturally went down to under 2%, potential with IUI went to 7% and IVF was around 35%. There were choices we had to make: should we do IUI again?, should we do IVF?, should we try IVF with an egg donor? We opted to try IUI again, shoot 7% isn't that bad right? So another month of Clomid and IUI and another negative pregnancy test later, my impatient side got the best of me and we decided that we were going to move into our best chance, IVF (InVitro Fertilization).

So in June of 2007 we began all the pre-testing, poking, prodding and drugs necessary to get my body in gear to be a mass producer of eggs in the next few months. For anyone who doesn't know much about IVF I will give you a brief overview: you basically are taking drugs to overstimulate your ovaries to create more eggs (you normally only create one a month), once these eggs are mature they are retrieved from your ovaries via a LARGE LONG needle and fertilized by sperm (in our case...Lee's sperm) in a petri dish and then transferred back into the uterus where they hopefully hunker down for the next 9 months. So... I began giving myself the shots in my stomach (the aspiring nurse in me, actually enjoyed this...sick I know) and going for my daily blood tests and ultra sounds to see how I was progressing. We ultimately ended up with 5 fertilized eggs (5 BABIES!!) and transferred 2 three days after the retrieval, unfortunately the other 3 died by day 5. The 2 they put back in me were of excellent quality and the doctors felt really confident this was going to do it. Unfortunately, two weeks later my blood test was negative- my other two babies didn't make it. It was odd because although I was devasted, and I of course cried... I had almost come to a peace about it... I had known I wasn't pregnant before I got the bloodwork results back (as if God was preparing me) and I was just well...exhausted! After this failed IVF our chances of getting pregnant went down even farther, conceiving naturally is now under 1%.

My body was exhausted, my heart was exhausted, my mind was exhausted and I just wanted to move on... Initially moving on was planning to try IVF again in the new year and just remaining optimistic and hopeful... but in October during dinner one night, I said out of nowhere to Lee "What do you think about starting the adoption process? We have always known we are open to it, why not get it going because who knows how long it's going to take." and Lee said "Yeah, definitely, let's do that." So here we are... since that moment all of our decisions about adoption have just fallen into place, and it just feels right. Our agency has been wonderful so far and we truly feel that we are meant to be doing this. We have determined that we will not be proceding with any more fertility treatments and it is like this invisible weight has been lifted off our shoulders.

I truly believe that God has his plan for us all... and we don't have to understand his plan, but we do have to accept it and realize the good things behind it. Don't get me wrong, although adoption was always an option for Lee and I, I would be lying if I said it was my first option. I have had to mourn the loss of never experiencing pregnancy, never getting the morning sickness or big round belly that so many woman take for granted. I have had to mourn the loss of ever seeing my husband's dimple's on my child's smiling face, or passing down the hands that I share with my mom and grandma to my daughter. I have mourned the loss of the five babies we created during the IVF process that didn't make it into this world. But I have to say overall this journey has also given me so many positive things as well... it has given me sensitivity to woman in this world that are experiencing infertility (I think the statistic is 1 in 25 couples are faced with some degree of infertility) - I will never again innocently ask "When are you starting a family?", "Why don't you have kids yet?", or the dreaded "Just relax, it will happen"... there is no way to know what a family is going through to have children and although stress does factor into fertility it is certainly not the sole contributor or as in my case even a factor. I have also realized (even more than I already had) that I have the BEST and I mean BEST husband in the world! Never once has he ever made me feel defective (although I have often felt that way myself) for not being able to give him children. And he has consistently stood by my side as my rock always there with a hug or for a good cry. The husbands in infertility situations are often overlooked, but this is just as difficult for them just as it is for their wives, just in different ways. I have also learned a lot about myself through this process, I have seen the jealous and bitter sides of myself that I didn't know existed, but realize are completely normal. More importantly I have seen how strong I can be. Everyone has to deal with their own level of disappointment and loss and God only gives you what you can handle. I have been blessed to come to the realization that I have to let go and let God guide me where I am meant to be. In the months following our failed IVF I asked God to give me some guidance and help me realize what I needed to be doing to get to my family and those prayers led me to adoption and I truly believe this is what we are meant to be doing, we just needed to experience the "infertility road" to realize that it doesn't matter how we grow our family just that in our heart of hearts we are meant to be parents and our baby is out there waiting for us. So here we are... on the journey to our little one, certainly stronger than we were 3 years ago, and ready for wherever this road may take us.

Here we are...

I have officially established a blog...it really wasn't difficult, but I am still excited nonetheless. Well...Lee and I are in the beginning stages of yet another leg of our journey to become parents. We are on the road to growing our family through adoption. We thought we would utilize this blog as an opportunity to share with our friends and family our experiences as we embark on this adventure and how we got here, and maybe provide any future adoptive families with some information and experiences in the process of Domestic Infant Adoption. I would like to utilize this blog as an opportunity to document things as they happen and ultimately crescendo with the arrival of our sweet baby! Please feel free to read as much or as little as you would like! We are so happy to have the support and love of all of our family and friends. Cheers!

Ahhh...I did it!

okay, so I know that I am in the computer generation and I am totally not supposed to be intimidated by computers and all that they do... but I was honestly fearful of whether or not I'd be able to pull off setting up my own blog... but here it is! WOOHOO! Okay...this is going to be a short one, just to see what it looks like... more to come!